I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
