Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
