seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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