I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
