I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
