ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
