Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
