The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
