i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
