whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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