I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
