If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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