i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just cropdusted the office
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
