Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
