Duck Duck Cougar?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
