i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
