I will die if light touches me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
