I got chris browned last night
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its not stalking. its research.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
