You're my little dorito
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
