I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So squirting runs in the family.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
