Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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