Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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