we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize