Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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