just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
