Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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