All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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