And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
