did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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