We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
