New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
