There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
