I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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