I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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