My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
pop tarts are not kleenex
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
