i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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