Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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