This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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