so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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