I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
