Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
