Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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