We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
