All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
