Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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