so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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