You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
