??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
