He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
