I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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