You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
