I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
