Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
