no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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