dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
