I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
