um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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