Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
