I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
