oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
