dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
