Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
