never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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