The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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