i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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