He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
