at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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