She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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