the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
