And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
