if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
