it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
