Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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