Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
