I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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