I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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