To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
