I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize