why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
