Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
