i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
