No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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