Sry I called you an 8
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
